Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
