How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
