I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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