we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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