If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
