You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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