Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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