I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How does it feel to date your dad?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
