last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
