I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
