Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
