I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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