I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
