Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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