Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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