u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
