If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize