Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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