Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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