Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh god it's open bar.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
