Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
