you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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