oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
