just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
