If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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