As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
