at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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