did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
