just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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