I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
