He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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