I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
