Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
