i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
