there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
