Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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