I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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