Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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