White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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