He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
