i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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