I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize