Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
