The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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