it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
