I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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