I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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