her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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