And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't turn off my feet"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
