If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize