i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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