This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
