you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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