she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
