I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
