Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
