I cockslap morals
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
