I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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