There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
