the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
