wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
