I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
