his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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