i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
