I got chris browned last night
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize