My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
