did you get engaged???
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize