Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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