I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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