Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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