The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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