when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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