I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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