can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
