Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
