THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
