we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
