ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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