I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
