And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
