there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize