I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
