I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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