Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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