You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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