Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
