Little spoons don't ask big questions
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
