there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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