I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
