Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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