Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
