It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
