i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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