Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
