I've blown a few things in my day
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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